April 21, 2010 - A Post To Facebook (clearly I was pissed)

To those of you who feel that I am hopelessly straying - you have obviously underestimated my faith. I should be able to express my love for God freely without being looked down upon or assumed a fake. My love for God is not a show and only He can determine what is in my heart. You do not get to decide whether I am worthy enough to be accepted by Him. So be on your merry way and go do whatever it is you do… stop staring at me, searching for whatever imperfection you can find, to distract yourself from your own faults.

Love,
Tif x

Not for the faint hearted…

Last night I dreamt that my family and I went to Italy. We stopped at a shopping centre for takeaway and accidentally made contact with some illegal pimps.

Afterwards we decided to escape to somewhere safe so, in exchange for a car, a family had us feed their chickens.

I contacted a girl I knew from Milan and asked her if we’d be able to stay at her house. She was reluctant at first but eventually agreed.

On the way we somehow lost my step dad and came across a factory run by the illegal pimps. The illegal pimps turned out to be the mafia.

They were kidnapping people, skinning them alive, hanging them to drip from chains, and then chopping them up to use them as ingredients for products like chocolate and shampoo. We saved one couple, even though they had already been skinned, but spent the rest of my dream running for our lives.

Every single dream I have is like this. I don’t even watch horror movies, but maybe I should write them.

:/  

Salt or Pepper?

He may be complex, pure, genuine, and everything that I could possibly of ever wanted, but he doesn’t hold the same regard for me as I do for him.
As much as I want him, I’m not going to fight for him and make him settle.
I deserve to be with someone who thinks I’m amazing and chooses me, not someone who has dreamt of something better but then settles for me.
I don’t want to be in a relationship that is convenient or pushed, I want a relationship that is God driven and passionate.
The question WAS ‘Salt or Pepper’ (before my laptop randomly shut off and erased everything that I had already written) but now, that question has been answered, and the answer is neither.
Pepper is not everything I have ever hoped for, which in fact, if I were to choose him I would be completely contradicting everything I just wrote.
AND SALT doesn’t even seem to recognize my existence. Oh well.
It’ll suck for a few days but, just like the last time, I’ll move on.
But then again (here we go) who am I to brush off Pepper? When I’m sitting here whinging about not having a chance with Salt? Maybe there’s more to Pepper then meets the eye. Maybe I’ll end up falling for Pepper and totally move on from Salt…
I guess I should just let God open and close the right doors and give Him time to open and close the right doors as well…
Haha shit, I don’t even know what’s going on in either of these boys heads. I’m probably over annalysing and stressing for nothing! ALL. FOR NOTHING. What a waste of valuable life time.
Haha, I do seem to realise this everytime I’m obsessing over these situations, but it’s so easy to forget when you’re walking away from a situation, fustrated, that it didn’t go quite how you would of wanted it to.
Oh goodness. Write write write, the only way I can ever make since of my life. Hahaha.

Peace.